How Good A Wife Are You?

This is probably old but I just saw it so it's new to me! This is a 1939 Marital Rating test (yes, the year). For every merit, add 1 point; for a demerit, take off 1 point (or whatever point increment they've added in brackets):

Seriously Vox, you can't make it easy to create boxes or column thingys?

Merits:

1. A good hostess -- even to unexpected guests.

I don't have guests in my house. That would mean I'd have to clean or make room for them to sit down.

2. Has meals on time.

Bah, I eat when I want. I'm single! Isn't that the fun thing about being single?!

3. Can carry on an interesting conversation.

If I'm allowed to say "boobies, penis, douche and motherfucker" we'll have a great conversation. If I'm not, I'll probably be fairly quiet.

4. Can play a musical instrumennt, ie piano, violin, etc.

Nope. I used to play the piano but it's been decades. I've probably been not playing for longer than I was playing.

5. Dresses for breakfast

Sure. If I'm leaving my apartment. If I'm at home, why would I put anything on? I mean, even if I had kids, if I'm wearing my pjs, does that affect how they digest?

6. Neat housekeeper -- tidy and clean

HA! God, no. I'm kind of trying to be a better housekeeper but I mostly just don't care.

7. Personally puts children to bed.

Don't have kids but I think if I'm home, I'd put them to bed. It depends on what that means. (+1)

8. Never goes to bed angry, always makes up first (+5).

So... that would mean no sleeping for me! And since it's been a while since I've had a relationship in which I cared if the other party was mad at me, it's hard to say if I'd make up first. I can definitely say I wouldn't make up first all the time. That's just inhumanely kind and compassionate, so very not me.

9. Asks husband's opinions regarding important decisions and purchases.

Well, if they're important decisions, he'd better be asking me for my opinion too! Why would you make important decisions on your own? If they're important, they affect the other party! (+1)

10. Good sense of humor -- jolly and gay.

I tell penis jokes. It's a personal opinion if that's jolly and gay. I'll give myself +1

11. Religious -- sends children to church or Sunday School and goes herself (+10)

Wait, why doesn't it talk about whether or not HE goes to church? What? He's exempt because he has a penis? WHATEVER. I don't go to church right now and I'm not sure I would send my children to church but if I go, everyone goes.

12. Let's husband sleep late on Sunday and holidays.

As opposed to? Wait, does this one mean that I'd be up doing things and just not wake him up to, say, GO TO CHURCH WITH ME or mow the lawn or watch the kids while I run some laundry and clean up the home he ALSO LIVES IN?

I have a whole 3 merits.

Demerits:

1. Slow in coming to bed -- delays until husband is almost asleep.

Why is he going to bed before me? Why isn't he doing a last check of the locks to make sure burglars can't get in our home? What kind of husband IS HE?! ::cough:: -1

2. Doesn't like children (-5)

I like children. I just don't being alone with them. I mean, since I don't have any, it's not like I have any control over other people's children.

3. Fails to sew on buttons or darn socks regularly.

Someone needs to teach me how to darn socks, even though it sounds hideously boring. I'll sew on a button (sometimes) but I'm not too bothered about it. -1

4. Wears soiled or ragged dresses and aprons around the house.

Guilty. -1

5. Wears red nail polish.

Typically only on my toes. -1

6. Often late for appointments (-5)

Nope, that drives me nuts! I do my best to be on time, even though I sometimes drag my ass. -5

7. Seams in hose often crooked

I think I know what this means but since I don't wear panty hose (I'll put makeup on my legs first), it's a moot point. -1

8. Goes to bed with curlers on her hair or much face cream.

No and no. Why did they wear face cream to bed, other than to keep their husbands from forcing them to have really bad sex?

9. Puts her cold feet on husband at night to warm them.

... this is wrong? Huh. Too bad for him then! -1

10. Is a back seat driver.

I try not to be (it can be very annoying) but sometimes I slip. I think it's because I'm a recovering control freak. -1

11. Flirts with other men at parties or in restaurants (-5)

Define flirting. If you mean smile and be nice to other men at parties, then maybe you should leave the dark ages. Women are allowed to smile at and laugh with someone besides their significant other, asshole. If you mean flashing men some boob and letting them grope her, then no.

And yes, I believe that's inappropriate unless agreed upon between the couple. -5, depending

12. Is suspicious and jealous (-5)

I do my best not to be. It comes down to whether you trust your significant other or not. If you don't, why are you with him/her? If you do, then what's to be jealous of? Some tart flashing a boob at him? Really? Any man I'm with would laugh with me about it afterwards.

I'm sitting at 12 or 17 demerits, depending on the definition of flirting.

My total score: -9 or -14.

Wow, I should... never get married... in 1939.