17 posts tagged “book review”

Or as I like to call it:

Eat Fiber! Or your colon could generate pustules that, if popped and enter your bloodstream, CAN KILL YOU. Seriously, can you imagine someone telling your family that you died of ASS PUS?

or

Did you know you could get neck and throat tumors from BLOW JOBS?! Everyone, get the HPV vaccine. Damn.

She does a very good job linking the advice from your doctor ("Eat more fiber! Don't drink so much! Stop smoking!) with the real life consequences of these actions. There are some points where it feels like she's reaching (the section on accidents come to mind since even she admits that there isn't a way to prevent accidents) but otherwise, it is a fun and fairly informative read.

She tends to be a little too "me me me" focused (I'm fairly certain we don't need to relate everything to her family) and I find her recommendation of fat-reducing pills to be a little on the unwise side (look at me! I'm being polite!). She also seems hellbent on proving that she is more compassionate and more dedicated to her work than others.

Of course, it's not a huge detriment to the book until nearer the end when I felt the need to roll my eyes while I was reading. That may have been when I started reading the "FAT WILL KILL YOU" section. Considering she outlined with the chapters previous how regular, "fit" people can still die from heart disease and whatnot, linking fatness only to the risk of heart disease is... well, I'm going to guess she's never heard of "Healthy At Every Size" which is unfortunate for those around her and those reading her book.

Overall though, I highly recommend this. It gives you a good outline how your lifestyle could be stealing years from you. And seriously, how would you like your family knowing you died of ass pus?

"Watchmen" made almost $56 million at the box office this weekend. Have you seen, or do you plan to see, this edgy superhero flick?

I'm... not sure. I really wanted to see it but I've seen so many different reviews and now I'm torn. I think I'll probably end up watching it in the theatre but I've lowered my expectations.

The thing is, I LOVED the book. Absolutely LOVED it. It was an amazing look at what makes a person put on a costume and fight crime, the nature of insanity, whether it's better to sacrifice the few for the good of the many... just so many different ideas, ideologies and ... just THOUGHTS! There are so many thoughts, it made my head spin.

I don't know if the movie can live up to that, the internalness of the book that made it genius.

 

But I've been told they kept in the blue penis. I'm amazed that they were willing to leave the blue penis in the movie.

My first dual book review. I was going to do each book as I finished but... well, they're fairly linked in my mind and Valiant is... well, it's kind of the sequal to Tithe, though I've been told Ironside is the true sequel. The books are modern faerie tales and are meant for a young adult audience but, as a full-on adult who's heading towards middle age, I still loved them. So... let's get this part over with:

Recommendation: I loved them. I actually prefer Valiant over Tithe but... well, I'll explain why in a little bit. However, this is not for people who prefer lighter fare or are expecting the Disney-fied version of fairies. The tone of the books are dark, like the original faerie tales. And none of these fairies are looking to save your human ass; they'd rather put golden chains on you with a crown of thorns, strip you naked then set you in a pen for their amusement.

Tithe follows a young girl who finds out... and crap. I can't tell you any more than that without giving away the entire storyline.

And I can't remember her name. ::sigh::

But the thing is, you'll like her. Hell, *I* liked her and I'm not that fond of teenagers who are listless and just wandering. But she's not just that; she's rebellious and she's seeking and she's lost. She doesn't know a life outside of the nomadic one her mom has dragged her along in but she still holds on to old friends, keeping an identity in the one place she keeps returning.

For me, I found Tithe rather ... difficult to start. It's a little too... for me, it dragged until she meets Roiben (and yes, I remember his name because it's really unusual), hurt, on the verge of death and she risks her life to save him. At that point, the book just grabs you and starts you on a race to the end.

I didn't have that problem with Valiant. I couldn't stop reading it. I think it's because I loved the character from the very beginning. When we first meet her, she's in a locker room, talking to her friend, getting ready to go to hockey practice. Then some bitchy princess comes, calls her friend names and instead of sitting back, she (like me) couldn't think of what to say back and instead punches the princess in the nose.

Awesome.

As I kept reading, I fell more and more in love with her. Even with all the bad choices she makes, I loved her. Because she's me. She's me if I was raised now. She's lost and she's trying to find her place and she's a little more comfortable fighting with her fists than she is fighting with her words. She's not emo; she's directionless, partly because she's not sure what she's supposed to be aiming for, where she's supposed to go. She wants to be someone else because she's trying to hide from who she is and what's happened.

Okay, this is going to sound stupid but seeing her go through ... it feels so melodramatic to call it hell so I'll just call it "bad time", but seeing her go through it all and emerge more confident and more sure of herself... well, it gives me hope and I'm going to stop being so soppy now.

Read it. It's dark and it's violent and I hope that when they make a movie out of either book, they find a director and screenplay writer who has enough respect and love for the original story to not strip it of everything I love.

I have a request for the men out there: please read this book. I need to know if the male characters in this novel are portrayed realistically or a figment of an overwrought female imagination. I just have such a difficult time with how her male characters speak and some of the things they do. They seem fairly flowery in their verbal communication, not something I've actually experienced with the males in my life.

 

Let's get this out of the way:

Recommendation: It's... okay. That's it. Not good, not bad; just okay. It was actually shaping up to be a fairly good novel about the relationship between the generations, living in the shadow of an icon and trying to rebuild your life from an illusion. I was okay with that.

Then she made it into a half-assed mystery novel.

She still has the verbal quirks that drive me nuts; I don't know why I keep reading her books and railing against this. It's like I'm insane when it comes to her. She creates fairly young characters (typically late 20s, early 30s) who speak as though they're in their mid to late 50s. It's completely possible that it's language that I don't encounter as much because I'm Canadian and I don't live in the same region she does but I'm fairly certain that she's giving them words she herself would say.

She's also continued her habit of adding "hip" references. Really, I could have done without half those pop culture references. They date the book so harshly; this is not a book you would be able to pick up in 20 years and place the setting in life at that time. It's frustrating because when she's good (ie, Blue Smoke) she's amazing. But when she's bad (don't make me list them all), she's... well, still not as bad as many out there but she's disappointing.

I think that bothers me more than just reading a bad writer; it bothers me that she is such an amazing writer who will rush or not edit a book properly to the point where the end product is a disappointing read.

And for me, that's kind of what Tribute was.

The story is about ... shoot, I've forgotten her name. Cilla? Maybe? Anyway, at 28, Cilla (we'll just call her this for now) is a washed up actress, her best performing years behind her. She was pushed into the spotlight when she was just a baby by her mother who wanted to bask in the reflected glory, she herself a mediocre actress/singer. Cilla is also the granddaughter of a true Hollywood legend, Janet Hardy, who's lovers and suicide almost eclipse her still-relevant career in movies.

In an effort to discover who she really is (I can't fault her for that), Cilla's tried varying things with varied failures but she's now found her true love: real estate, construction and renovations. She is able to buy her grandmother's home from her mother (it's a complicated and fairly under-developed relationship) and sets off to make this decrepit old house into her home and office.

Along the way, she meets her requisite hot next door neighbour, a graphic book artist/writer with, of course, an appealingly ugly dog (it's a running theme in her novels. As well as the very dumb dog) that is more developed a character than the one who "dunnit."

(Oh god, she's driving me to my own verbal quirks. Next I'm going to start making "funny" puns with "tribute" as the theme.)

Up to a certain point and outside of a few aforementioned verbal quirks, it's a fairly enjoyable story about a woman trying to find herself and her place in the world through trial and error and actual effort on her part that doesn't include whining to various strangers or pouring melodrama over herself like she was some kind of crazed banana split.

... did I mention I hate chick lit? To me, the only reason to have that "genre" is to justify giving book deals to women writers who can't actually write but have somehow banged out a novel with a woman who likes to shop as the central character, whether or not it's an actual story, sold to women who only buy them out of a sense of "girl power" which... ::cough:: I probably should stop before chick lit-ers sign up to have me killed too. 

Except one last thing: character development isn't a crime. And having her buy a different style of shoes isn't character development.

ANYWAY, before I have to buy myself some Kevlar, CIlla's a fighter, a person who's trying to keep herself going, even though she's mired in her past failures; a woman learning to believe in herself, in what she can do and who she actually is. She's discovering who her grandmother was, connecting to the family member who set the path for all her descendents, who's star still overshadows all those of her family.

To me? That's interesting. Why would you feel the need to tack on some half-assed mystery of "oooooh, who's trying to drive Cilla out of the house?!" or "Oooooh! Could Janet Hardy have been dun dun dun! KILLED by a man who was cheating on his wife and may have fathered a baby with Janet?!"

Really? Is that interesting? REALLY? Slit my throat and call me a water fountain, that is SO not interesting! It's another fucking story about a "shining light who's glow was snuffed out by a crazed person blah blah blah the fucking blah."

So, yes, it's an okay book. It's not her worst, it's not her best. My only request (except for the one above to the men in my neighbourhood) is... find me a guy like Ford please. He sounds awesome.

Now I'm kind of pissed off and need to listen to music.

 

And you can never get enough Henry Rollins!

Now maybe something a little sweeter. I love David Tennant:

 

For all her skill, I don't think Elizabeth Lowell receives enough love from the reading world. She's sensual and sensuous and have so much love for my favourite part of the world; she's opened my eyes to so much of the beauty in this area that I, as a woman who grew up in the suburbs, would never have seen or even known existed.

Her writing is so passionate, just overwhelming for the senses. With some of her descriptions and scenes, you almost feel as though you're standing with the characters.

I love her books to the extent that I'm confused as to how I've missed some of her new releases. And I have and yes, I will be rectifying that quickly.

Enough ass kissing, you think? Though I guess it's more of a caveat for you all; I love her so you would (perhaps rightly) assume that I am a little more blind to her faults. We can discuss that after.

 

The story is about a woman, a fashion reporter (in a sense but not one of those who gush at everything that's released), who is called to Colorado by her estranged sister... and really, anything I say after that really loses in the telling.

Oh, except Christy meets the enigmatic (and, of course, sexy) Aaron Cain, ex-con, murderer and outlaw archeologist (don't giggle, it makes sense in the story... oh, okay, giggle. That's how he's described in the blurb. I don't know what they were thinking.)

I'm mildly surprised this was originally an Ann Maxwell book. I read a few of her stories (before I realized that she and Elizabeth Lowell were one and the same and the Ann Maxwell stories tend to feel a little more... violent in some way. I don't mean that the stories themselves are gorier but the emotions and the energy of them... it's just more violent, maybe just more expressive, more passionate and almost bottomless.

I know, I sound like a weirdo.

Anyway, typically, as I (contrary to what my critics may say) tend to be a little too emotionally attached to books, stories and characters, it was too much for me to absorb. Of course, I was also younger so that might have had a little more to do with it.

Will you have trouble getting in to it? Depends. She does get a bit didactic at times with all the Anasazi Indian tribe information. I've had a friend describe her writing as "dry" because of all the information and description she puts in. Sometimes the dialogue seems forced and a little too ... how do I say this?... Earth Mother who acknowledges the glory of the land. I've put up with worse to get a quarter of the storyline so I can skim over a little bad dialogue, mostly because that's more of an aberration than the norm.

Who would like this book? People who like to run their hands over shiny things because they want to feel the shine. If you're not sure what I mean, you might not like the book; it might fall on the "too descriptive" side of the line. But if you're a tactile person, I think you'd be standing on the edge of the cliff with Cain and Christy, looking out into the desert.

Seriously, prove me wrong.

 

Okay, I'm just going to cut to the chase on this one. Yes, I will be doing up a full review (see below) but if you're just curious whether you should make any effort to watch this if it shows up on your television or in your local video store: No. Emphatically NO. And if you end up watching it anyway... well, I told you so.

Now, on to the review:

I don't know what braintrust thought to cast Heather Locklear as a 30-something Reece who's running from herself and her memories but that person should be taken behind the shed and shot, just to put him/her out of his/her misery.

And mine. Definitely put them out of my misery. For god's sake.

And Jonathan Schaech as the mysterious and solitary writer Brody? Well... he... um... no. I mean, he looks pretty good but in a few scenes, he was out acted by the scenery.

So the basic story is this:

Reece Gilmore (who's name I am probably misspelling) becomes stranded in a small town, Angels Fall, when her car dies right outside of town. After discovering how much and how long it will take to fix her car, she enters the town with her meager funds and, by a stroke of good luck, finds a job as a cook in the local diner.

As she begins to settle in the town, she goes for a hike in the woods and witnesses a murder that, later, no one can find any evidence of, no body, no scene of the crime, no other witnesses.

Reece, with the help of Brody, begins to look in to this murder and someone, discovering the past she's running away from, tries to help her lose her mind. Again.

And while I'm mocking the story (just a little bit), I have to say that I really enjoyed the book. I enjoyed the motivations of all the characters, I loved Reece's strength and also how Brody become reluctantly drawn in to her search, and during that search, how they both fall in love. If you get a moment, give the book a chance.

Even Reece's backstory is fairly interesting. From the beginning, you can tell she's running from something and, of course, the first thought is that she's running from an abusive husband/boyfriend. Seriously, it's like a given. But this time, she's actually running from herself. Two years previous, on her last day at work in a restaurant before going on to become head chef at another, more prestigious restaurant, everyone in working that day was killed in a shooting spree. She survived but with survivor's guilt. The guilt eats at her to the extent that she starts to mentally break down. After the trial, she checks herself into a mental institution. After she is released, she cuts ties from her family and her surroundings and takes to the road.

I may have made the book sound slightly overwrought but it's good. The movie however? Was a freaking waste of time. I had to FF through a bunch of it just to get to the end but especially the ::sigh:: sexy scenes. Why would you cast two people who have no chemistry when standing next to each other? Why? Sure, when they're throwing glances, they've got a TON of chemistry but that only means that they have chemistry with either the camera or the cameraman.

I think the height of my distaste for this movie was during this scene where Reece and Brody are in the Sheriff's office, waiting to see if a woman that was recently found in the woods is the woman Reece saw murdered. Brody had just found an album of Reece's with her slain co-workers X'd out with DEAD written on them and INSANE written on her and he brings this up as proof that someone is trying to drive her insane.

In the book, this is the point Reece realizes that someone IS messing with her, that she would never desecrate the memory of these people who she did love with something so heinous.

In the movie? This is what we get:

"Oh, I did that." ::shrug::

Thanks, script writer. You suck. And thanks, Heather Locklear. We probably could have gotten a less wooden reading from the chair in that corner. Please go back to playing man-eaters.

And also, how fucking stupid do they think we are? They're playing up this one character as the "HE MUST HAVE DONE IT" to the point where it would have looked less stupid if they just had a giant flashing red arrow with "RED HERRING! WE WANT YOU TO THINK HE DID IT! LOOK AT THE WAY HE'S SKULKING AROUND! HE HAS LONG SCRAGGY HAIR AND HE'S A MANWHORE!".

I think they only decided to stay away from the subtle approach because that's too many words to fit on a red arrow.

Yes, he's one of the suspects in the book but he gets the chance for redemption and it's not just having sex with the cute waitress at the diner and asking her to marry him. What the fuck kind of redemption is that?! In the BOOK, he actually helps SAVE Reece and Brody from the murderer. THAT'S motherfucking redemption!

Why don't I learn? Why don't I learn that, even though people are buying her books because they're supposedly really good books and therefore have a built in audience, they decide to fuck up all the characters in order to make it easier for them to shoot? Well, I hope you're happy counting your money, NORA ROBERTS. Good job on the script consulting. I hope your messed up characters haunt you in your sleep.

Recommendation: Only watch this movie if you're doing it with friends, wine and food so that you can have a night of bad movies. HOWEVER, if you've never read a Nora Roberts book, watch this movie and let me know what you think. I'd like to know if I'm being overly harsh because I enjoy her writing or if the movie actually stinks this much. Thanks!

I've been asked by Emily Sears to review a book she absolutely hated so that I can give it the proper verbal thrashing it deserves and perhaps cause the writers to examine their ability to actually write a proper book, then ritualistically killing themselves so that they can appease the angry writing gods.

I'm also in the midst of two different books (both non-fiction though, oddly enough):

 

I have the feeling it's giving me nightmares. Everything I've read about different neurological disorders have become my worst nightmare and something that makes me willing to exercise, in the hopes that making the blood speed around my body will stave off dementia or Korsikovs.

I'm also reading:

 

I am completely and utterly fascinated by Jenna Jameson. This woman created the idea of the "Porn Star." She was able to turn a medium that is looked down upon and created her own dynasty. Whatever you think about porn, you have to admire that.

I'm a little ... unsure of how the book will be though. One of the introduction pages mentions that some of the names of been changed and (I think) a few of the movies she's made (under various titles) have been amalgamated into one movie. I don't completely understand what that means but it seems fairly dishonest for an autobiography.

I mean, I might as well write my autobiography and just make up stories, like that time I saved Big Bird from being crushed by a train.

True story.

... okay, no it's not.

ANYWAY, this long ass post was so that I could ask you, are there any books out there that you want me to review? Please keep in mind that even if you suggest it, I might not read it. Or if I start to read it and it makes me want to swallow my own tongue in anger, I may choose to stop reading it.

Though with that last scenario, I'd still rip it apart online.

If you have the feeling the book will make my eyes want to bleed, please don't recommend it. My eyes are bad enough already; I don't need to become a Bond villain.

I'm sorry, I just saw this description of a book and I had to make sure everyone saw it. It's from Bare Facts by Katherine Garbera (who I am SURE is a wonderful woman and an amazing writer):

Former model-turned-martial arts expert, Charity Keone is used to people thinking she's just a pretty face. They usually figure out the "oh crap" part just after she turns them into human pretzels and hauls them off to jail. And it's clear her latest client, shipping magnate Daniel Williams, is one of those guys who thinks she's all looks until she saves him from a shooter. He responds passionately, and Charity lets him.

Okay, let's take this line by line:

Former model-turned-martial arts expert

Well... aren't they all. In fact, I can name... probably none. Can you name one?

They usually figure out the "oh crap" part just after she turns them into human pretzels and hauls them off to jail.

Is it just me or is this sentence kind of... odd. What "oh crap" part? Where is the relationship between this and the other sentence? Shouldn't it be something more like, "they usually figure out she's more than that just after she turns ..." or something a little less pedestrian? (Shut up, I'm writing this off the top of my head. Give me an hour and... okay, I'll probably come up with basically the same thing or just re-write this thing completely.)

And it's clear her latest client, shipping magnate Daniel Williams, is one of those guys who thinks she's all looks

Okay... outside of the model turned martial arts expert (because that's sooooo easy), this part is easily the most ludicrous. How did this guy become a shipping MAGNATE if he's so stupid, he doesn't actually RESEARCH his bodyguard? What's the point in hiring someone to guard your body if you're not going to take the time to figure out if s/he can actually do the job? Aren't you just better off with a large puppy at that point?

I mean, at least my sister's puppy will give a quick yowl and maybe do a number 2 on the attacker's shoe if he stays still long enough.

 

I know, I'm picking on romance novel blurbs. I'd just like to know who writes them. I mean, I've read romance novels where the blurb is nothing like the actual story. I CALL SHENANIGANS! Or at the very least, bait and switch.

Though once again, I'm sure this book is lovely and the writer is not only gifted but has a Mother Theresa-like personality, by which I mean "don't sue me. I don't have anything." Anyway, hit her link above and give the excerpt a quick boo. It seems Charity's also had an Ivy League education. How does she have the time?

I couldn't stop crying after I finished this.

I just... couldn't stop. I drove home from my aunt's house, crying almost the entire time. It wasn't until I started to think about how I would review it that I was able to distract myself from crying.

... I think it's transference from something else but we'll talk about that later.

This is a biography of Gracie Allen, one of the most popular actresses of her time, wife of George Burns (he of the ubiquitous cigar) up to the point of her death by heart attack. While I would love to say that she packed so much living in to her short short life (even though she did), after reading this book, I can't help feeling that the world is a sadder place because she died so prematurely.

From his words, George Burns paints a woman who is so dearly beloved by her family and friends and strangers to the point where she almost didn't have strangers in her life; they all believed she was their dearest friend. She was the consummate modern woman in that she did what she chose and she worked hard to achieve everything she gained.

The book is funny (I laughed out loud), it gossips about all the older stars who created Hollywood (if you're a classic movie fan, you'll love this), it's romantic (even my cynical heart melted) and it's loving. Yes, I probably would have edited it a bit differently but then I've recently fallen in love with the semi-colon.

But reading the words, I felt like I was listening to George Burns tell me a story. I used to love watching him when I was a kid. He was little stooped shouldered man with a cigar telling jokes that probably went way over my head but still made me laugh because of the dead-pan way he told them.

It's one of the few times I wish I was born at the turn of the last century, even as a Chinese girl, just so I could have watched their evolution from a Vaudeville act to television and movie stars.

Seriously, go to your nearest library and read this book. If you're having a bad day, it'll make it a little better.

"Say goodnight, Grace."

"Goodnight!"

Oh. My. God.

You guys. I... just..

::deep breath::

I don't know if there's a book out there that I can recommend more highly than this book. I meant to take a quick look at it this morning, then head to the library and my aunt's house for Thanksgiving dinner. I DIDN'T mean to be in bed for 2 hours so that I can finish Interworld because I couldn't put it down.

 

It's about people who can walk across dimensions who fight to keep a balance of science and magic from trying to take over the entire Altiverse. It's all the physics and science and otherness that I've never thought about and never knew even existed.

I'm overselling the book and you'll come back and smack me after you read it but for me, I realized how limited human consciousness actually is.

... You want to know the actual story before you buy in? All righty:

So this kid (and I use kid because, well, he's about 16 or 17 and I'm old) has no sense of direction. On a final exam for a slightly strange Social Studies teacher, he and 2 other people are dropped downtown with no money or phone and are required to reach their destination without a map.

Basically my worst nightmare. I have no sense of direction either.

While trying to find his way home, he walks through a mist and reaches a world that looks like his own except that some of the details are strange. Nothing huge is out of place but there's the sense that it's not his home. He encounters people he knows who don't know him, he finds his home but it's not his anymore. He finds his family and sees their oldest child, a girl, who looks like he would look as a girl.

He's kidnapped by an organization, HEX, that wants to boil him down to his soul's essence so he can power their ships, rescued by an older version of himself who later dies in an In-Between universe. He returns to Interworld to take his place with people who resent him and are versions of him from different worlds.

He works, he studies and on his first trip out of the Interworld for an exam (basically), he and his group are captured by HEX where only he's able to escape by the skin of his teeth. When he returns to base, his memory is wiped and he's sent to his real home, not knowing what he did during the time he was away (which ended up being about a month in his world versus the months in the other world) or what happened.

When his memory comes back to him (seemingly a fluke), he does something I don't think we would ask full-grown men to do: he goes back to the Altiverse to rescue the rest of his team.

The story's not about glory or excitement; it's about honour and doing what's right, even when you know it's the hardest thing you'll ever do. It's about choosing the impossible because it's easier than admitting you failed.

Damn good book. Go find it.