14 posts tagged “funny”
"I'm sick of these monkey-flying snakes on this Monday to Friday plane!" HA!
God I love tv editing.
If you think I'm kidding, you haven't talked to me in person in the last few weeks. I CAN'T STOP DOING JAZZ HANDS! I'm using them for emphasis, I'm using them to underscore a joke, I'm using it to show sarcasm! I can't stop with the jazz hands!
... it's one of the few times I wish I had a video camera. I'd show you what I mean.
Now I just want to say, "Oh, it's BROUGHTEN!" Ah, Jamie Pressley, you are hilarious.
Superman is a dick.
Christopher Reeve was hot.
Gene Hackman better have bought a house with the money they paid him to be in that crap.
Oh, and you need more proof that Superman is a dick? Here you go.
Begin flaming me ... NOW.
PS, seriously, how can you argue against him being a dick? He walks Lois Lane off a roof and then, while flying through the mountain range, let's go of her hand and LET'S HER FREE FALL. DICK.
I kind of want to post a Sheldon comic here but um... well, I'd rather not get sued by Dave Kellett. He seems like a really awesome guy and I would really hate for him to have to bring down any kind of thunder on me.
Reason 1 he's so awesome:
PRIVACY POLICY:
This mailing list -- and more importantly, your e-mail address -- will never be sold, shared, distributed, or in any way released. I'm a cartoonist, for heaven's sake, not Citibank.
....Oooo! Snap! Did you see that put-down?! And in the middle of a privacy policy statement. This man has no shame!
This is his actual privacy policy. Dude. That's the kind of privacy policy *I* would make because I have no respect for authority. You have to love a man who does sh... um, stuff like this! (I'm working on curbing my swearing, though I had something written in my head that was pretty awesome that was built mostly on swearing but I forget now.)
Reason 2:
His comic strip is about a 10 year old boy who creates... oh hell, just go read his story and character breakdown.
Reason 3:
... I forget. I had an actual 3 but my mind is like a giant sieve. I blame my bad cold from last week.
OH! I REMEMBER! He is a giant geek! Like a super giant geek. And oddly enough, at the same time, I understand his jokes. I... don't know what that makes me. I would like to say "perceptive and funny" but I have a feeling that would be a "no."
So... you know, Christmas is coming up and all. He's got this store where all his Sheldon comics are in a book (5 actually)... he has all these artist copies that are all bound really pretty and come with an original drawing and such. Plus his store has all these shirts and things that are really cool and fun...
What? Oh, no reason ::smiles like an angel::
... okay, so the smile comes off more like the gleam in Satan's eyes. Just take a hint.
PS. Thanks to my amazing, awesome sauce friend, Examorata who introduced me to the comic. Now all you need to do is come visit me!
If you could dream about anything tonight, what would it be?
I was going to ask for sexy dreams but I decided I like money more. Plus, I could just BUY sexy times!
... I don't know. I'm very tired. You know, it's hard to have 3 kids.
Not mine! Thank god. I'm still childless but other people, if you have kids? I freaking SALUTE you! Damn. They are time, energy and emotion suckers! I do not know how people do it. I'm still iffy if I can give a DOG the kind of emotional investment one needs!
I also (funny story) flashed a woman my boobs in an airport waiting area then found out that, yes, that was also the woman I was sitting next to on the airplane. She was very pleasant and such but it's still a little weird. I also don't find Indiana Jones and the blah blah Crystal Skull or whatnot as officious as others. It's not a super good movie but it's not as bad as others have made it out to be. I think it might be because I'm not steeped in the Indiana Jones mythos.
Anyway, still off visiting friends in Florida! Kisses!
Show us an instrument you know how to play.
HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
Sorry, I have such a dirty joke in my head for this one but I've vowed to be less gross so I'll pass.
(But seriously, if no one's made a skin flute joke... yes, I have the sense of humour of an 8 year old boy.)
This happened the year Underworld came out. Not only did the storyline seem ridiculous but I had this problem with it:
Me: I don't understand.
Friend: What? It's a vampire movie.
Me: No, not that. I don't understand why they call themselves "Lichens." Aren't those jellyfish? How menacing are jellyfish?
Friend: ...
Me: ... What?
Friend: They're "Lycans", like lycanthropes.
Me: Oh. Hee hee, oops.
Friend: You're so weird.
Typically, I find these things laughable to the point of ridiculousness (if I started relationships as often as they said, the streets would be strewn with my discarded boytoys) but I love this one from The Daily Mash (thanks Emily for sending me the website link!):
Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
Your partner has been forgetful lately, and sometimes hardly seems to know if you are around. Instead of getting resentful, use it as an opportunity to sleep around more.
Just found another comic strip that I like. It's rare because I have a fairly particular sense of humour (potty though it might be):
When I read this one, I about peed myself. If you like this one, it's part of the Something Positive comic family.
Crap. It doesn't embed the whole thing. You have to go to the site and read it to the end. LOVE!
