11 posts tagged “help a sister out”
If money didn't matter, what job would you most like to have?
Submitted by Rainbird.
Wait... if money doesn't matter, why would I want a job?
... unless there actually is a job out there with a position for someone who flys around the world all the time, visiting people they love. That would be the job for me!
... no, seriously, does anyone know of a job where I could travel? Anyone know how to get a job at a Consulate somewhere? For me, I only really speak English so it would have to be the US, the UK or a Commonwealth country with a Canadian consulate but I have no idea where to even look for a consulate position. I mean, can you see me wrecking havoc in Atlanta for two to five years? Do you know how many of my friends I would harass by flying to them and making them go out for pedicures with me?
Or, ooooh! New York! I would love to work at a Canadian consulate in New York (do they even have one?). Hell, where ARE the consulates anyway? Are they only stationed in major cities? Are there more than one in each state? How the hell does this work, anyway?
And this is how to change a QoTD into a Help a Sister Out post. I am seriously self-absorbed.
Writer's Warning: This will probably be a fairly bitchy (yet funny!) review, especially since I'm in a bit of a mood. Read on at your own peril. If you are, like many of my neighbours, a kind and gentle soul, you may feel guilty about laughing at varying song writers.
Unless you hate Nickleback; then you'll love this.
I've been working retail since the end of November for a rather large electronics retailer. As part of the store, there are tvs and music/movie previews playing and, for some reason, they're never turned off. SO, since the end of November, I've been forced to listen to music that should be used as torture.
Leona Lewis has this song that, for some reason, makes me think of this song by Usher (listen at your own risk):
This is the most ridiculous song. What kind of freaking exhibitionist narcissist are you that you feel the need to make LOVE in a public place? You can't just go home? You really need WITNESSES to prove you love her? GOD. If I drag my old ass to a club, I do NOT need to see you having sex. I would just like my drink so I can silently mock all the old men trying to pick up barely legals.
Then there's this song by... someone. I don't know her name. It's a country song and the chorus goes like this:
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
No oh oh oh oh oh oh
AND SO ON.
::sigh:: I'm ashamed I used to enjoy country music if this is what it's degenerated into. PLUS she's dancing around like a freaking idiot, doing the side to side, front and back leg movements while flipping her skirt around like she's actually dancing or something. Girl, what you're doing is what we used to do at elementary school dances because none of us could actually dance. You know what would have given you more to do during the video? If your song ACTUALLY HAD LYRICS.
And finally, Nickelback. Dude, I defended you when you first got huge and how do you repay me? With the last 3 craptacular albums that I wouldn't wipe with my ass. Yes, I know; people still buy it, the albums sell in the millions. I don't think it means they're ACTUALLY ANY GOOD. And while I didn't hate your first release from your most current album, WTF is up with your newest single "Something in Your Mouth"? Are you fucking kidding me with that song? Ooooh, you're talking about oral sex, you're so interesting and subversive.
WHATEVER.
Tom Morello is doing interesting music that, while aping the style of Leonard Cohen, has a particular artistic style and he's trying something new because he's made a ton of money and can. You? You've regressed to acting like you're 8 years old, giggling at a woman eating a banana.
And dude, learn to take a fucking taxi.
Now, I need music suggestions to take the ick out of my mouth from talking about these 3 awful awful songs. I'd like something from the R&B, Blues, Jazz family because it's not typically something I listen to. OR if you know any good rock or Southern rock, I'll take those suggestions too.
Because I'm seriously in need of a Canning for Dummies Guide or whatnot, I have a couple of questions for those in my Vox Neighbourhood (love you all!) who know the housing arts.
1. Can I can stock?
1b. If I can stock, does it need to be refrigerated or can it just sit in my storage room?
2. How do you make pickles? What's up with the little cucumbers? How do you get those?!
3 (though I guess it's more of a 2b). How different is it to make gherkins? And how do you find teeny tiny cucumbers?!
4. Can I can spaghetti sauce?
4b. How long does it keep? I don't want to poison people. ... well, not ALL people and definitely not people in my family.
... okay, MOST of ... you know, let's just go with "I don't want to poison SOME of the people in my family, especially those who would have access to my canned spaghetti sauce."
Kisses! Thanks for helping a housing arts dummy out!
ETA ::cough:: I was just adding tags to my post and when I looked up "cann", "cannibalism" came up. Do I talk about cannibalism that often?! I'm kind of surprised I haven't attracted a different kind of neighbourhood.
At least emotionally.
... and I don't think you want to know the joke I just censored in my head.
You want to know why I don't go on dates? It's because when I see a guy I like or who I think is really attractive, instead of doing the NORMAL thing and flirting (like I'm a real girl!), I can't even look at him. I can't smile, I can't do the things I would normally do with people who I don't give two shits about. And hell, sometimes, just sometimes, I don't treat these guys all that great.
I know! Seriously, if you ever hear me say, "It's not you, it's me", BELIEVE ME. It really is me and not you.
::sigh:: I kind of wish we could go back to the time when, if you like someone, you'd run over, punch their arm and then run back to the other side of the room.
Help me out here. Get me over this hump. Give me something for my head so I don't regress to an 8 year old girl.
I... am a sufferer of seasonal allergies. Unfortunately for me, I am allergic to something outside in EVERY FREAKING SEASON. Now, I know many of you are into holistic/ayurvedic/herbal/vitamin health. Can you suggest something that I can take (and I don't mind taking it every day or two/three times a day) that can keep my nose and eyes from itching? From sneezing every 5 minutes? From having to blow my nose every 3 minutes? So I can breathe when I go to sleep?
Now, in exchange for some help, I'm willing to do a Friday advice column on body image. Fair trade? I've seriously got some doozies in my arsenal.
I know you've all been waiting, anxious to know how the de-stinkifacation of my shoes went. Well, I'm ready to tell you:
The day after I got the most brilliant advice to powder the inside of my shoes with baking soda, I actually went home and did it to all 3 pairs of my shoes that needed it. I figured, I was thinking about throwing the shoes away anyway so if it didn't work, then no harm.
The rest of the advice was to wait a day and then empty out the shoes of baking soda and then vacuum out the excess.
... yeah, that didn't happen. I didn't dump out the baking soda until yesterday, so at a vague count, it's been about a week... ish.
But dudes, it works SO WELL. The baking soda smelled like the stank but my shoes smell all fresh and new! Yes, I stuck my nose in my shoes to double check. What can I say? I'm a brave soul. Now all I have to do is vacuum out the excess and I'm all set.
Thanks everyone! Because of you all, my beloved Skechers and running shoes are all resurrected from the junk pile.
Okay, because you guys were so kind to come to my rescue with the de-stinkifying and the vertigo, I thought I'd pass along a few things I've learned in the 30 years (or so) I've been on the earth.
- For women, you should get measured for a bra at least once a year, though I would actually recommend twice a year. Basically, whenever you get a call from your dentist and you fob him off, you need to go get your bra measured. And this goes DOUBLE for larger women. Girls, you do NOT know how much better you'll look and feel when YOUR girls are where they should be.
- Buy clothes that fit properly and don't settle for something that's close enough unless you can sew and you're going to fix that shit up. ESPECIALLY if you're a larger woman. As a size 18 and someone who was dressing REALLY badly for a really long time, I can tell you, your body looks INFINITELY better when you're dressing it properly. Even something that's a little closer to the body so you can show off your waist, or a skirt that's a little shorter (so, not ankle length) that can show off your great legs, maybe something a little lower cut that can show off what great cleavage you have. No matter what size you are, there's always something that's amazing about you and your body. Show it to your advantage.
- People, if you're giving a blowjob, use a condom. You do NOT want to get genital warts on your face. That shit looks GROSS. (Seriously, listen to the Guilty Pleasure podcast or talk to some of my slutty friends. Just the idea of it makes me cringe.)
- Men, do NOT answer when a woman asks you if her butt looks big. Just run away, screaming. Women, stop asking other people if your butt looks big in something. The answer is never going to satisfy you, it's not fair and you're feeding into a stereotype that's not good for girls growing up.
- Always use a moisturizer. Yes, even if you have oily skin. Just find one that's suited for oily skin (you might have to search a little bit. Before you buy one though, make sure you're allowed to try it. You can usually tell if it's too heavy just by putting some on the back of your hand).
That's all I can remember right now. I could swear there were other ones I wanted to say too, mostly because you'd think I would have learned more in 30 years.
Okay, so I've finally remembered my 2nd question:
2. So, when I lay down in my bed, I'll usually sleep on my right side. Then when I flip onto my back (well, more like "roll" but you get the picture), my head goes all dizzy. I think it's vertigo and I'd like to know what causes it and what the hell to do to get rid of it. I've had it for a little while and it's kind of uncomfortable.
I'm lucky that I'm not a real "puking at everything" kind of person (except for the toothbrushing thing. For some reason, that one will do me in), so it's not making me nauseous. But I've found that it typically only happens in my bed. I sleep on the couch, nothing happens (or at least I don't remember it happening). I sleep at my aunt's place, still nothing. But my bed? ::slight roll:: ::head swims like I could pass out::
... I should probably just go to a doctor, shouldn't I?
Okay, two things of advice needed (as soon as I can remember what they both are) and one complaint:
- How do you de-stinkify shoes? I mean, leather shoes that probably shouldn't go in the washing machine but you're tempted to throw in there anyway because if they turn out fine then great but if they don't turn out, you were going to throw them away anyway?
- Something that I can't remember but I'm sure will come to me at 3 am.
- Why the hell would you alphabetize something by first name? How does that make ANY sense? I mean, you have it on an Excel spreadsheet, you've gone to the trouble of alphabetizing it, why would you pick by first name? Who would understand that?
Help me out here.
Hey guys,
You know how I'm always happy to pimp your stuff (seriously, I am. Just let me know.) and it goes for my RL friends too.
And I've got one I want to pimp right now:
My friend Tara is participating in BC Children's Hospital's Childrun to drum up donations for the Children's Oncology department. Her nephew, Trey, died after a long battle with brain cancer.
I think he was 4 years old.
If you're able to donate anything, I would be so grateful. If you're willing to pass the link on and see if you've got friends who'd be willing to donate anything, you would be one of my best friends.
Now... back to my normal sense of ridiculous.
