11 posts tagged “romance”
So it's been a while since I've done one of these (they'd changed their emailing format and they typically just post excerpts with a very short book blurb) but then I got this one and I just... Well, you'll see. As always, the snarkiness is interjected is all me:
Some are born to motherhood, others have motherhood thrust upon them.
From the time I held my first nephew in my arms, I knew that I wanted to be a mother. But when I was eight months into a difficult pregnancy and well past the point of no return, I worried that I didn’t have what it takes to be a mother. Those worries are shared by the heroine in the novel I began the day that my son started preschool.
I actually like this part. I like the acknowledgement that being a mother is hard and that at certain points, women who are mothers can feel unsure of their abilities.
This isn't the part that made me spit out my drink, if I'd been drinking at the time.
The main character in A Trace of Smoke, Hannah Vogel, never meant to become a mother. It was hard enough to survive on her own in the desperate streets of 1931 Berlin. Plus she had her fill of motherhood helping to raise her headstrong and glamorous brother.
I'm trying to figure out if "glamourous" is supposed to equal "gay." Reading the rest, it seems like it is.
When Hannah identifies her brother as the murder victim in a crime scene photograph, she blames herself. If she had not protected him from their soldier father’s wrath, he might never have become a cabaret nightingale and ended up dead in a gutter.
So basically, she thinks if her father had beaten him more, he wouldn't have become a singer and then led himself into a death. In the 1930s. I don't mean to be callous but didn't a lot of people die or were mistreated as singers or whatever?
And seriously, she would have preferred that her FATHER beat her brother rather than have him follow a career he is passionate about. How does she know that if he had become an accountant or something, he wouldn't have died in a gutter as well?
Determined to find out the truth about his life and death, Hannah searches for her brother’s killer through smoky cabarets and dark cobblestone streets. She follows a trail of desperate men and uncovers dangerous secrets. Most disturbing of all is a five year old boy who claims that her brother was his father and Hannah herself his mother. Hannah knows this is untrue, probably on both counts. But as the reviewer for Romantic Times, notes, that little boy is “the one who will steal your heart.”
Seriously, does that say "gay" to you too? I mean, how could she KNOW it's untrue?
After the boy is dumped on her doorstep, Hannah tries to return him to his real mother. But as she delves into the truth about his parentage, she uncovers sex scandals that might rock the foundations of the rising Nazi party. How can she choose between bringing down the Nazi party and saving the life of one small boy? Or will they all be sucked into the maelstrom that swallowed her brother and might soon bring down all of Germany?
Wow, a sex scandal that could rock the foundations of what, as we know from history, is considered one of the most evil regimes within the last century! OH MY GOD! She needs to save them!
What?!
She has to choose between the Nazis and saving the life of a child. So she needs to decide between a POLITICAL PARTY and saving the life of a child. Wow, what to choose? What to choose? What. To. Choose.
::rolls eyes::
Let's put this in Canadian terms: say I (as a Canadian) find myself taking care of my dead brother's possible child. I would have to choose between the Conservative Party and the life of the child, or basically an ideology vs a reality.
Are you kidding? Seriously, are you kidding?
HOW DOES THIS MAKE THE CHARACTER SEEM INTERESTING AND/OR SYMPATHETIC? Should I really want to bitch slap her JUST from the blurb? Hannah, you're not deciding between a building with a bomb that's full of people vs the life of a small child. That's a difficult decision. Bring the fucking Nazis down, bitch! What the fuck kind of decision is that?!
::sigh:: My vitriol is odd today. It's not very passionate. I miss my normal writing.
For all her skill, I don't think Elizabeth Lowell receives enough love from the reading world. She's sensual and sensuous and have so much love for my favourite part of the world; she's opened my eyes to so much of the beauty in this area that I, as a woman who grew up in the suburbs, would never have seen or even known existed.
Her writing is so passionate, just overwhelming for the senses. With some of her descriptions and scenes, you almost feel as though you're standing with the characters.
I love her books to the extent that I'm confused as to how I've missed some of her new releases. And I have and yes, I will be rectifying that quickly.
Enough ass kissing, you think? Though I guess it's more of a caveat for you all; I love her so you would (perhaps rightly) assume that I am a little more blind to her faults. We can discuss that after.
The story is about a woman, a fashion reporter (in a sense but not one of those who gush at everything that's released), who is called to Colorado by her estranged sister... and really, anything I say after that really loses in the telling.
Oh, except Christy meets the enigmatic (and, of course, sexy) Aaron Cain, ex-con, murderer and outlaw archeologist (don't giggle, it makes sense in the story... oh, okay, giggle. That's how he's described in the blurb. I don't know what they were thinking.)
I'm mildly surprised this was originally an Ann Maxwell book. I read a few of her stories (before I realized that she and Elizabeth Lowell were one and the same and the Ann Maxwell stories tend to feel a little more... violent in some way. I don't mean that the stories themselves are gorier but the emotions and the energy of them... it's just more violent, maybe just more expressive, more passionate and almost bottomless.
I know, I sound like a weirdo.
Anyway, typically, as I (contrary to what my critics may say) tend to be a little too emotionally attached to books, stories and characters, it was too much for me to absorb. Of course, I was also younger so that might have had a little more to do with it.
Will you have trouble getting in to it? Depends. She does get a bit didactic at times with all the Anasazi Indian tribe information. I've had a friend describe her writing as "dry" because of all the information and description she puts in. Sometimes the dialogue seems forced and a little too ... how do I say this?... Earth Mother who acknowledges the glory of the land. I've put up with worse to get a quarter of the storyline so I can skim over a little bad dialogue, mostly because that's more of an aberration than the norm.
Who would like this book? People who like to run their hands over shiny things because they want to feel the shine. If you're not sure what I mean, you might not like the book; it might fall on the "too descriptive" side of the line. But if you're a tactile person, I think you'd be standing on the edge of the cliff with Cain and Christy, looking out into the desert.
Seriously, prove me wrong.
By Sarah McCarty.
Someone needs to introduce me to the people who write book blurbs because damn, did this writer pooch this blurb:
When passion flares, nothing--whether werewolf or human--will ever be the same.
Donovan: A Protector, Donovan's directive is to bring the Pack Alpha home and nothing more. But when Donovan catches the sexy human scent of Lisa Delaney, he's hers, body and soul... and ready to risk both on an erotic desire that will shatter all boundaries.
Kelon: Kelon likes his life as the biggest, baddest Protector of his pack. He fully intends to go back to his pack after he helps Donovan out, but he never counted on the voluptuous distraction of Robin Delaney. Soft, sweet, and sexy, Robin is the one woman that can make him forget duty and make him contemplate a choice no werewolf should ever have to make.
Wyatt: In a pack where only the strong can lead, and any weakness is exploited, Wyatt can't afford to be attracted to the ever practical, completely human Heather Delaney. But with her trim body, fiery temper, and lush mouth, Heather isn't a woman a man ignores... no matter what the cost.
For this one, I'm going to recommend you go read the excerpt. Even though the blurb makes it sound like a dud (how do you make sexy ass werewolves sound like duds?!), the excerpt is HOT. The blurb makes me want to make fun of the book (like how I can almost guarantee you the sisters Delaney are a blonde, a brunette and a red-head) but the excerpt makes me want to stand in front of a heavy duty fan.
Yes, I have a thing for werewolves. I blame Buffy.
**Hmmm, the excerpt posted on her website is different from the one emailed to me. Interesting. Still hot but it kind of shoots you right in the middle of things instead of building them put like in the email.
I've abandoned the "Romance Weekly" title. It's so untrue.
Here's a new one:
Rule # 1: Stay out of it
Josh Ryan knew he wasn't going to heed his own warning. A single mom and a baby on the run? Two men in hot pursuit? Josh's ranger training and his Texas roots left him no choice: he was hardwired to help.
Rule # 2: Do anything to save herBut the battle-scarred ex-soldier didn't want to be a hero. And now the very worst had happened -- he had fallen in too deep. Clare had gotten under his skin, and her little son was looking at him with adoring eyes. He'd broken the unwritten code, making Clare even more of a target in the process. To save her, he would have to do the unthinkable. He'd have to make her go.
Does it feel like it should have ended more with a "... FOR HER OWN GOOD"?
Okay, I love Rangers as much as the next person who would also loves Navy SEALs but does this sound like an awful book to anyone else? Aren't the little blurbs supposed to make you WANT to read the book? I mean seriously, basically the blurb is saying: he somehow meets this woman who also has all these people after her, tries to help her and instead makes things worse and now he has to abandon her as well... FOR HER OWN GOOD.
And why wouldn't you want to help someone like that? She's a SINGLE MOM ON THE RUN. What kind of asshole looks at that situation and says, "Sucks to be you, bitch!" As though only those trained and from Texas would be willing to try to step in.
Plus then, how is leaving her to her own devices, AFTER YOU'VE MADE THINGS WORSE, helping her out? Blurb Writer, you couldn't have given us a little more information than this?!
Bah. I don't even want to read the excerpt.
I know, I'm a liar; this doesn't come out weekly. It comes out whenever I want. But I have another one I want to talk about today!
You failed me, Amazon. How is it I couldn't find this book?!
The back excerpt:
Some love can last a lifetime -- their love was destined to last longer.
Angel's first words to Kel were I'm going to marry you. She was seven at the time. He was eight. And he didn't laugh when she spoke the words. Best friends as children, lovers as young adults, they had an unexplainable bond. Their future looked set. Until the night they were attacked by a creature that couldn't exist.
Angel survived the attack -- barely. But Kel didn't. Or at least, nobody thought he did. His body was never found and Angel's life would never be the same.
The attack might not have killed Kel's body, but it sure as hell killed his heart. Twelve years later, there's one part of his former life that he can't move past. Angel. He can't let her go, but he can't have her either. She doesn't even realize he is still alive.
But when a threat surfaces, Kel's willing to do whatever it takes to protect Angel. Even if it drives them both to the edge of insanity and back.
There are so many different ways for this to go wrong but damn. HOT. I know, I'm such a girl. What is with vampires that it just is so hot?
Plus it just seems sweet, a man still in love with his childhood sweetheart, willing to protect her while trying to keep his identity from her.
Yes, I'm a romantic. Someone stab me.
Even after reading the excerpt, I think I would suggest a read. It's emotional and loving and fearful; basically in the vein (vein? Get it? ::sigh:: I'm alone here) of a good vampire novel.
A brand new one!
Cover looks hot, right? Well, let's see what the back says:
Sean O'Sullivan's claims that his family's landmark bar is a victim of City Hall shenanigans only means more work for Cleo Hollings, the mayor's number one mover and shaker. Since Sean's got her busy, she decides she'll keep Mr. Testosterone busy, too...but between the sheets.
Yet sleeping with the hunky O'Sullivan isn't that simple. Everyone said Sean would be inexhaustible -- even unforgettable. Nobody warned her that he was lovable, too. now other clubs drinks taste like dust. Nothing measures up to a nightcap -- with a chaser of O'Sullivan stud.
... so, to me, this sounds like, in order to distract him from his mission, she's having sex with him. Kind of... immoral, isn't it?
And yes, it's odd that I would believe someone in politics would have morals. I'm a hopeless idealist.
Plus does this sound DULL to anyone else? And what do you want to bet she's achieved a super high position in the mayor's office but is still only 21 or something ridiculous like that? And I would lay another bet that she fights hard to be taken seriously because she's pretty and has large boobs.
DULL.
I'd post the excerpt but seriously, it's boring. The same old, same old: Sean decides to go to Cleo when he wants to save his family bar because, instead of looking to see who can ACTUALLY help him, she's really pretty in the newspaper article he read AND she seems like a challenge.
For fuck's sake. Really, Kathleen O'Reilly? You couldn't have come up with something even MORE ridiculous? I mean, maybe he met her when they were both really young and she really liked his puppet (not a euphemism) so now that they're adults, he believes that this puppet love means that she would be more receptive to his plea that his family bar be saved from demolition.
If you're going for ridiculous, go all out. Maybe throw in a couple of aliens or something.
Bah!
(Wait, does anyone think I'm going to be assassinated for this? Should I stop doing these reviews?)
Okay, so it's not actually weekly but I can't think of a better name. Anyway, this time I thought I'd bring you a good one, written by Stephanie Tyler:
Yummy, right?
And surprise surprise, it actually has a decent description (even if the capitalization is a little on the iffy side):
A Navy SEAL with the mission of a Lifetime.
She's always been beyond his control.
Assistant District Attorney Ava Turkowski knows about leading a dangerous life: her father was a risk taker who died in the line of duty and her beloved brother is taking just as many chances. Now a high profile case has landed Ava herself in the crosshairs ... and the only man standing between her and certain death is the one she can't forget.
Justin Brandt was Ava's brother's best friend, her protector during her wild-child teenage years -- and the object of her hottest fantasies. Now he's a highly trained Navy SEAL with a body to die for and he's been tasked with keeping Ava alive. Which means keeping her close ... the closer the better.
*******************************************************************************************************
Hot, right? I can still see the potential for many pitfalls and annoyances (one is that Ava will be shrill and bitchy with a tendency to court trouble and disregard common sense as though that means she's independent and take charge, causing me to want her to be a real woman so I can punch her a lot) but still... HOT.
Even hotter? The excerpt... which won't be attached because for some reason, most of the punctuation in the email is changed to boxes and it looks awful and I don't want to guess how she actually punctuates. But trust me, HOT.
When I first started this, I didn't mean for this to be a recurring feature but then I read this in an email I received for Beauty and the Billionaire by Barbara Dunlop. It's an excerpt from the novel... so, yes, I'll be berating the actual writer this time:
At five feet seven, and a hundred and fifteen pounds, she wasn't used to feeling small and delicate in a man's arms.
Are you shitting me? Really? What. The. Fuck.
Thank you, romance novel industry, for clarifying something for me: Women need to feel bad about their weight EVEN WHEN THEY'RE IMAGINARY.
Thank you.
And thank YOU, Barbara Dunlop, for buying into this bullshit. Thanks. I was even thinking about trying to find your book even though the plot line is ridiculous.
And yes, I understand, this gigantic woman with her 115 lbs might be very small boned and actually very delicate. That would kind of NEGATE the statement of how she's not USED to feeling small and delicate. Most of the women I know who ARE small and delicate, don't need help with FEELING small and delicate
Which also begs the question, has she been dating jockeys? What kind of men are around her that, at the very average height of 5 foot 7 inches, she is considered a giant among them?
... I feel all yell-y this morning. AGAIN.
::sigh:: I apologize, Barbara Dunlop. I'm sure you're a very nice woman and I'm sure it's a very good book. Just... stop buying in to bullshit. Women feel bad enough about themselves; you don't need to make it worse by actually buying in to it.
I'm sure you don't need to be told this but I'm a very curious woman (in every sense of the word). After I wrote the thing I did about the advertising for her current book, I had to see what other books Katherine Garbera has written. Surprise surprise, she wrote the novel that inspired my fake long romance novel title:
Awesome.
Yes, I know, I said Sheik. I think there was another book right beside it, released in that same month with "Sheik" in the title.
Dudes, I want to live in HER world. I'd probably be some ballerina turned mountain-climber who's also a secret heir to the Ming Dynasty who's line was hidden from the world to protect them from persecution.
... not that I'm not ALREADY a ballerina turned mountain-climber.
What? You don't know me. I could be a beautiful dancer AND a hardy climber.
All right. You DO know me. I would no more climb a mountain than a cockroach would bake a wedding cake.
I'm sorry, I just saw this description of a book and I had to make sure everyone saw it. It's from Bare Facts by Katherine Garbera (who I am SURE is a wonderful woman and an amazing writer):
Former model-turned-martial arts expert, Charity Keone is used to people thinking she's just a pretty face. They usually figure out the "oh crap" part just after she turns them into human pretzels and hauls them off to jail. And it's clear her latest client, shipping magnate Daniel Williams, is one of those guys who thinks she's all looks until she saves him from a shooter. He responds passionately, and Charity lets him.
Okay, let's take this line by line:
Former model-turned-martial arts expert
Well... aren't they all. In fact, I can name... probably none. Can you name one?
They usually figure out the "oh crap" part just after she turns them into human pretzels and hauls them off to jail.
Is it just me or is this sentence kind of... odd. What "oh crap" part? Where is the relationship between this and the other sentence? Shouldn't it be something more like, "they usually figure out she's more than that just after she turns ..." or something a little less pedestrian? (Shut up, I'm writing this off the top of my head. Give me an hour and... okay, I'll probably come up with basically the same thing or just re-write this thing completely.)
And it's clear her latest client, shipping magnate Daniel Williams, is one of those guys who thinks she's all looks
Okay... outside of the model turned martial arts expert (because that's sooooo easy), this part is easily the most ludicrous. How did this guy become a shipping MAGNATE if he's so stupid, he doesn't actually RESEARCH his bodyguard? What's the point in hiring someone to guard your body if you're not going to take the time to figure out if s/he can actually do the job? Aren't you just better off with a large puppy at that point?
I mean, at least my sister's puppy will give a quick yowl and maybe do a number 2 on the attacker's shoe if he stays still long enough.
I know, I'm picking on romance novel blurbs. I'd just like to know who writes them. I mean, I've read romance novels where the blurb is nothing like the actual story. I CALL SHENANIGANS! Or at the very least, bait and switch.
Though once again, I'm sure this book is lovely and the writer is not only gifted but has a Mother Theresa-like personality, by which I mean "don't sue me. I don't have anything." Anyway, hit her link above and give the excerpt a quick boo. It seems Charity's also had an Ivy League education. How does she have the time?
