6 posts tagged “stupid people”

Why must you plague me with women who watch their weight AND food? Who are SO vocal about calories and whatnot? You're putting me off my food! And I know, you're looking pointedly at the size of my butt. Well, you can shut it, GOD, my butt is FINE. It's round, it's bodacious and it's ... okay, so in that one dress, it looked like something you would put tchochkes on.

But Beyonce wore a dress that gave her square hips one time so, once again, you can shut it. Plus? The sweater top made me look hot so yeah, I'm going back to buy the sweater when it comes in ::sticks out tongue::

And put down that lightning bolt. I'm not calling you names; I'm just calling you OUT. If you didn't want me to eat, you shouldn't have made food so delicious. Really? I'm supposed to turn down chocolate cake? Really?! Or, wait, did you want me to eat the cake but only have a slice so thin, no one could tell a piece was taken?

Whatever. It's chocolate cake; give me a normal sized piece. I'd like to enjoy it with some coffee. WITH MILK.

All right, fine, I might give up milk. But only because I think it's causing my weird skin condition.

But seriously, what's wrong with you? What's up with making women who are always so worried and unhappy with how they look that they aren't able to acknowledge how GOOD they actually do look? Where's the self-esteem jar, God? Did you forget to give us some? What about the self-worth one? Are you skimping on that one with women too? Or are you just starting to forget to include that one in for everyone? Cause I've noticed some people sadly lacking in both and it's starting to piss me off.

And please, can you make celebutards go away? I don't think they're helping us any.

Amen.

Work:

I'm oddly happy to be back to work. I think it's more that I'm happy to be back in my (almost) normal schedule but it's a bit of a mind drain. It's strange to remember how little I actually do during the day and how listless I feel. Ah well, OFA Level 3, here I come!

I still like the people I work with (even though one of them just asked me what the difference between a cd and a dvd was. No, seriously, that was the full question) and I'm paid well for someone who spends most of her time online.

First Aid:

I'm a little nervous about the test tomorrow. I have a bunch of things that I should have been reading that I haven't read yet. I'm going to do more reading tonight (more about the things that I haven't spent much time with like burns and transportation decisions. I'll flip through). I'm also happy that Handsy McDirtyoldman isn't in my group. Dear God, fucking stuck with a man who, if he came upon me while I was bleeding to death, I would tell to leave me alone because I would rather die than have him help me.

I know, a little at odds with my "fight death at all costs" poems I just posted but still. The man's an idiot who supposedly has been an attendant for freaking YEARS. Couldn't do a proper RBS and decided that it was a good idea to tell someone brand new (not me, I stopped listening to him after the first day) that it's okay to skip some of the steps. NOT FOR THE EXAM, IT'S NOT YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!

I kept getting paired up with him and all I could think while I'm playing a non-responsive patient is, "Stop touching me. STOP touching ME. My sternum is fine; STOP TOUCHING ME!"

BAH.

There were probably about 3 (maybe 4-ish) people in my course who I would rather choose death than have them try to help me. I have the feeling I'd probably die anyway from the injury aggravation they would cause. GOD.

Quick story from the course:

One of the guys in my class wants to be a fireman and OFA 3 is a good course to have to differentiate yourself from the rest of the douches who want to be firemen. (Sorry, I know they perform a service and they're very brave and risk their lives and whatnot but a lot of the guys who want to be firemen nowadays? DOUCHES.) His statement to Handsy was that because he was white, it was much more difficult for him to become a fireman because all the firehouses are looking for minorities and women. All I could think was, "Wah, yes, white men are so hard done by, motherfucker. You're so fucking oppressed. Even though probably 85% of the fire"people" who are hired are WHITE MEN. Maybe you just suck. Did you ever think of that? No? DOUCHE."

... I'm an angry person. I know, it must come as a surprise to many of you. I seem so even-tempered and sweet as pie.

I also remember writing a post in my head during my two weeks away. Something about drinking the blood of virgins to stay looking young but I don't remember how I made that funny... Maybe it was something to do with bathing in it. Hm.

Seriously tired of all people but especially:

• Faculty members who seem to believe that they shit gold and should have all of us administrative peons catering to their every little stupid thing. Dude, you want to be called doctor? MAYBE YOU SHOULD LET US KNOW. We can't read minds and even if I could, I wouldn't want to read your's. Perv.

• Graduating students who can't figure out that when something is called a "deadline" that means that you need to have something completed by that time. Why don't they know this if, ostensibly, they've gone through 4 years of post-secondary schooling, taking many courses that would, more than likely, have assignments that have these so-called "deadlines."

• People who can't figure out that I can't make an exception. No, not even for you. Or you. You're just not that special, I don't want to sleep with you and you can't offer me anything interesting enough for me to even consider breaking the rules. And stop telling me about the fucking people coming from out of town. I'm not sure how I can express more fully how I DON'T CARE except to say I don't care and that your relatives are your fucking problem.

• Bus drivers who don't know that the left pedal in a bus means you can slow down instead of narrowly hitting the car in front of you who has the audacity to want to turn right and instead of swerving into the next lane so that you narrowly hit the car that was just doo-de-dooing along, minding its own business.

All of you people suck and you need to stop sharing my air space.

And not even a useful thing like a doorknob that locks. Oh, no. I'm just a useless doorknob that spins, letting in all manners of crazed, ax murderers without the least sense to protect the inhabitants.

I watched part of Hallowe'en yesterday. Jamie Lee Curtis looks better now than she did then.

Guess what I did yesterday, the Friday before the weekend? Left my keys at the office.

Now, guess when I discovered that? Yup, basically right outside my building door. So, what does that mean? It means that I didn't have a key to get in the building, the key to my apartment or my car keys or even the means to get in the parking garage to get my car.

::holds head:: I am a knob.

And the thing is, if this was a Thursday, no harm, no foul. I would be able to survive with my spare keys that my dad very awesomely brought me for the night and then grab my actual keys the next day. Oh no, I had to do this on a FRIDAY where, if I headed back to the office, would have been locked by the time I arrived.

I don't know whether to blame my lack of sleep or my slightly uncomfortable mattress but right now, I'm willing to shell out some serious cash for a new mattress set.

Pray for me. I have to go out today and be civil to people I consider friends.

Okay, so I try not to complain too much about work because, well, it’s work. If it was supposed to be fun, it would be called Super Awesome Fun Time.

Yes, I stole that from someone and I can’t remember who.

And I try not to talk too much about what I actually do because I keep hearing those horror stories about people getting fired because of things they’ve said in their blog or whatever. But just know I’m working in a department that (you would hope) the applicants to this department should be smarter than the average person.

It kind of upsets me when they’re not. Not so much as a boohoo kind of upset but more of a incredulous WTF kind of upset.

Case in point: I just received a phone call from someone who wanted to apply. From this cycle on, the application for this department is only online. It’s actually a fairly easy system (trust me, I’ve been on the site so many freaking times. If you can’t navigate through it, you’re a moron) but people don’t understand how to start applying.

Someone basically read me the front page of the website and still couldn’t figure out what to do.

Then I had a guy call to make sure that his son submitted his acceptance papers and registration fee correctly. I asked him why he didn’t just ask his son and he said it’s because they don’t live together. Well, dude, I don’t live with my family either but they’ll CALL ME ON THE PHONE to ask me questions.

Yes, the phone. You know the magic box that when you press the correct sequence of numbers will connect you to basically anyone in the world? Yeah, that thing.

Those phone calls? Just make me want to red flag their child, especially if their kid asked one of his/her parents to call in with a question. I know, people work during the day and they can’t use the phone. That’s why I love this fabulous invention called the internet. You know the internet. It lets you see porn from anywhere in the world!

Oh and it gives you email, a wondrous mail system that costs basically nothing in order to send letters to various people around the world. It’s spawned it’s own language and spelling (except here. Please don’t use the weird MySpace spellings here).

EMAIL US, you idiot! Basically, you’re trusting that your parents, when they call us, will ask the same questions as you would AND will be able to relay the information to you in EXACTLY the same language we answered. Good luck with that.

Plus, does baby want mommy to feed him/her a bottle too? Maybe wipe his/her ass? You want to come here, do your own research.

God.

And I visited a forum that was set up for the subject and some of them are surprised that now, spelling counts! DUDE! Spelling ALWAYS counts! What the fuck?!

And how was YOUR day?

So. Yeah, I'm ... well, let me explain:

Right now, I work at a BIG IMPORTANT UNIVERSITY doing temp work (it's a long story, it's boring and at the same time you'll weep and rend your clothes) and right now I'm in the BIG IMPORTANT COMMERCE PROGRAM, working in the Dean's office.

Basically, my job is to pass on phone calls to the proper departments (because people can't look past the first phone number they find to actually find the department they need to talk to and instead will blather on for 10 minutes without stopping to breathe in order to tell me things that don't help me help them because I DON'T FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING.)

Breathe.

Basically, I'm really new to the department so I don't really know anything at all. I don't know how many credits you need to take in a year in order to be considered full time. I don't know if you can take the real estate program online if you live in Arizona and are moving here in a year. I just don't know. And really, there's no way for me to find that kind of thing out unless I call the departments and harass them for the information. And I think they'd find that really annoying.

So today, a girl walks in, asking if I knew where the marketing research thing was. She had no idea what the hell she was asking about. It seems she's part of a research focus group or something and she didn't print out the information that was emailed to her in order for her to find where she's supposed to go.

It's lovely how smart that is. If any of you out there do stuff like that, please stop. You're annoying everyone.

She had a vague name (Brent) and a vague room number (451) and that was it. No one had told me anything about this and I had no information to give her. Plus, I'm on the 7th floor. Why wouldn't you have gone to the 4th floor and asked around there? Gone and tried to FIND room 451?

Sorry, am I using Earth Logic for this one? I'll try to refrain.

THEN a couple walks in and they're looking for undergraduate advising. Strangely enough, in order to get to where I am, they would have had to WALK PAST the undergraduate office.

::holds head:: These are our future? Really? Well, then maybe I WON'T have sex with Larry King in order to save the world!